The Universal Lottery, Part III

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Things get weird...and then things cease to be things.

The Universal Lottery, Part II

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The least-sprawling, least-epic sprawling epic in the history of sprawling epics.

The Universal Lottery, Part I

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Part One of "The Universal Lottery", wherein our selfish and stingy hero risks the fate of the universe for a few measly bucks.

Soup Kitchen

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The Official Hobo Bean Soup Kitchen is open Mondays through Fridays 600:00 AM to Monkeysatemybrains:30 EHT (Eastern Hobo Time).

The Idea For Barackas Was STOLEN...

...by me.

That's right, last week's award-winning* comic "Barackas" appears to have been...

Stolen.

(I dramatically shield myself from seemingly imminent blows to the face and stomach brought on by this recent, earth-shattering revelation. Only after I am certain that the fists will not fly, do I let my guard down.)

If you didn't realize that you could click the word "Stolen" to see the damning evidence, click here. (On the words, "click here, or right there.")

Or, for those not technologically-savvy, look at this screencap:



Once the horror of it all had sunk in, I tried to figure out what I could do. I mean, I had 6,000 Barackas in my basement that needed selling, but pending litigation forbade me to sell them. I needed a plan.

I decided, why not buy a bunch of new stickers of Mr. T and slap them on top of Barack and call them Baracus, capitalizing on his star-turn in the still popular television series, "The 'A' Team"?

Luckily, I learned from my mistakes, and I Goggled it.





Goddamn it!

What was I to do? I racked my brain thinking of other 1980s television characters that I could put on maracas, and that's when I had an idea...



KOLCHAKAS!

Darren McGavin's masterful performance as night-stalking newspaper reporter Carl Kolchak is now immortalized on a high-quality plastic maraca for all your shaking needs.

BUY THEM NOW!!!

*- The Herman J. Diarrhea Award for Wednesday Comics Created in 30 Seconds or Less.

Barackas!

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Shake the vote!

Philly Turkey Update!

The Philadelphia Turkey updates every week with "News Youse Can Use!"

Doo Bee Doo Bee Don't

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Let's give a big round of applause for the worst comic ever, shall we?

Melvin: A Comedy Strip!

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Start your week off right, America: by feeling bad about yourselves!

Thanks, Melvin. Without you, how would we know how terrible we humans are as a collective species? Oh, right.

Friday Night Cocktails

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City Paper Comics Issue

This week's City Paper featured 5-glorious pages of Philadelphia-grown comics which they deemed, The Comics Issue. 5 Pages? The Comics Issue? Only 5 pages of comics in The Comics Issue. What the hey! Everyone's going green, right?!

Here is a link to the comics that made it to print.

Here is a link to all of the comic submissions, including one from "Ahhhh, Phooey!"

Now, I know what you're saying. "Oh, 'Ahhhh, Phooey' is just jealous because their comic wasn't picked to be in the issue." If you are saying this, you are a jerk. A jerk that is 100% correct, but still a jerk.

Sure, we here at "Ahhhh, Phooey" are a little peeved we didn't make the cut, but then again we probably should have put some more of that stuff into making the issue. What is that stuff called again? Starts with an "e"...

Oh, right. Effort. Should have used some of that stuff.

I think the idea of a comic's issue for Philadelphia-area cartoonists is a great idea. Still...5 pages??? That's it? Just 5 pages of comics...for your Comics Issue???

They're Kooky and They're Creepy

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Not tired of them yet?!

Don't worry. We here at "Ahhhh, Phooey" love new characters. We just hate the amount of time it takes to draw them. (Really, who has 45 seconds to spare in this crazy, web-ified, dog-eat-dog, dog-eat-own-poop, dog-throw-up-semi-digested-dog, owner-horrified-and-scared-of-dog world. )

So, don't worry. We'll keep habitually using The Gurneys until we find the time to draw more characters, run out of macabre slapstick, or are contacted by the estate of Charles Addams.

The Bad News Beans

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Philly Turkey Update!

WHOOOOOOOO-DOGGY!

The Philadelphia Turkey updates every Tuesday with "News Youse Can Use."

Faux-Gras

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Relax.

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Have a spectacular 8/8/08.

Eddie Fedora, The Smoking Dick, in:Real Name or Pseudo Name?

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The Worst Pun Ever

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And I know bad puns.

[Image Credit: New York Jets Dot Com]

The Gurneys

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It's now time for everyone's favorite Addam's Family rip-off! No, not The Munsters.

It's The Gurneys!

On a side note, The Munsters premiered on television before The Addams Family but Charles Addams' cartoon strip was popular long before Fred Gwynne donned the bolts.

"Ahhhh, Phooey" reports, you decide.

Get Ahold of Yourself

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Philly Turkey Update!

The long wait is over!

A Taste of Blackmailby Jacob Lambert

Follow this link:

Right here.

From the writer and editor of The Philadelphia Turkey comes a serialized comic-noir mystery starring Philadelphia's most mysterious food critic, Craig LaBan.

Will Joke for Hop

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Homelessness and drug addiction are nothing to laugh at. Good thing we're laughing with these guys.

The Four Types of Sentences

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I thought I'd end this week (and start off the month of August) with a little bit of class.

Rabbit, Rabbit.

That is all.