"Morgolth and Dave": Episode 2.5

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Tune into "Ahhhh, Phooey!" next week as the second series of "Morgolth and Dave" comes to a close.

I'm sure you all remember how shocking the last series finale was. No? Well, here you go.

Anyways, if that is any indication, I think we are in for a real treat with the series two finale.

Also, look for a special announcement by Morgolth in the coming weeks.

Until next time...

Hobo Bean

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Hobo Bean™ is a registered trademark of the Imagicorp Incorporated Corporation.

Philly Turkey

Philly Turkey is a Philadelphia-themed satire site that updates weekly.

Their articles are very, very funny, and they now run "Ahhhh, Phooey!"

Check out their comics section, here. The other comics on the site are well-drawn and poignant so it's only a matter of time before they discover I can't draw.

Misguided Celebrity Endorsements, Pt. 1

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Free Fatty.

Meet Me By The Bumfire (I'll Save You A Can Of Beans)

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Who Doesn't Like a Good Conspiracy?

Every once in a while, I enjoy cruising off to a place where I am free to discuss the latest Hollywood gossip, guess which senators are gay, and decide once and for all whether or not Rosie O'Donnell is annoying. I call this place... My Topical Island.

Recently, a video of Tom Cruise leaked onto the internet, a secret recruitment video for the Church of Scientology. But perhaps "leak" isn't the right term. The video didn't so much as leak onto the internet but gushed with the fury of a thousand tsunamis.

YouTube pulled the video under "threat" of "legal action" by the "Church" of Scientology. By some miracle, the video was put back up again, this time in six parts. Oh, did I say miracle? What I meant was "miracle."

The videos (now absent from YouTube), however weird they came across, used Tom Cruise's acting abilities to their advantage, laying the Church of Scientology's tenets out for all to see. Generic tenets, sure, but some very familiar tenets of organized religion (service to others, spiritual supremicism, etc.) Millions of people saw these videos. It was like "2 Girls, 1 Cup" times a MILLON THOUSANDS! The Church of Scientology's veil of secrecy has been lifted, or at least that's what they want you to think.

This whole scenario hinted at a surprisingly genius, albeit sinister, ulterior motive. In essense, they used the morbid curiousity surrounding the human husk known as Tom Cruise to catapult their message to the viral video-consuming masses.

It's like the time someone at my house ate my Dilly Bar. The Dilly Bar was gone, the wrapper was in the trashcan, and my father was covered in chocolate and ice cream. Just too many coincidences...

So, they tricked millions of people into watching a recruitment video. Big deal, if Tay Zonday can do it, why can't "America's Samurai"? But just recently the internet is ablaze over a new video concerning Scientology. This one posted by a group of hackers (presumably Johnny Lee Miller and Angelina Jolie) known as Anonymous. Not getting any points for originality, Anonymous aims to take down Scientology. Take a look:



And a second one:



This article provides some insight to their greater goals as well as speculation on their history. I am more disturbed by these videos than by the ranting and raving of Maverick or Lestat or whatever his name was in Cocktail because of its implications. Scientology is constantly looking to be persecuted, and are extremely litigious when it comes to criticism of their beliefs. Their legal battles are well-documented, and cast their church in a very unfavorable light. Here is what I think: Anonymous is damage control.

Anonymous is actually the Church of Scientology throwing shit at themselves in an effort to tip the scales of general acceptance in their favor, and perhaps catch a few stray fishies in the process. They are calling attention to examples of their "persecution" (secret murders, brainwashing) in order to cast themselves in the role of "persecuted peoples".

This is a cynical evaluation and hypothesis on the recent Scientology-related videos that is of my own creation. I don't mean to offend anyone with any of the things that I say, but I never mean to offend. Rather, I feel this is a topical issue worth examining perhaps deeper that the surface level.

Remember what I said about the Dilly Bar.

The Guy Who Hates Puns:Part III

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This one's for you, Seth.

Interesting note: This is the first "Ahhhh, Phooey!" comic to be co-written. A hearty thanks to Caitlin E.

Sugar Cubism

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"Based" "on" "a" "true" "story".

Oscar Snub

It's Oscar time again, and you know what that means:

It is the 9th year in a row that John Goodman has been snubbed for his role of Walter Sobchak in The Big Lebowski.



Obviously, the Oscars don't know what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.

Customer Service

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It seems I've come down with a case of the wordplays. Too...much...Marx Brothers movies...must...stop...punning. Anyways, I will hopefully try to put some funnier comics up within the next couple of days, but for now try to enjoy these punny comics for what they are: not funny.

Tongue Lashing

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Third Tyne's the Charm

After Lawrence Tynes kicked the winning field goal for the Giants last night, after missing his first two, I was heard to remark: Third Tynes the charm. I decided it was clever, and I tried my best to call the New York Post to offer them my headline. Unfortunately they were following a hot scoop (Guliani love child) so my headline fell upon deaf ears. That is, until I picked up the Metro today. Check it out:

Third Tyne’s a charm
GIANTS 23, PACKERS 20 (OT)
NFL. Eli Manning has arrived, just in time to take his New York Giants on an improbable trip to the Super Bowl.
A suddenly matured Manning guided the Giants to their ninth straight road win yesterday, a frostbitten 23-20 overtime victory over the Green Bay Packers for the NFC championship.
Now comes Mission Impossible for Manning and the Giants, who will play the unbeaten Patriots in two weeks for the NFL title.
After Lawrence Tynes missed a 36-yard field goal at the end of regulation following a bad snap, he got a reprieve in overtime following Corey Webster’s interception of a struggling Brett Favre. He nailed a 47-yarder, then sprinted directly to the locker room as the rest of his frozen teammates celebrated on the field.
Tynes made his first game-winning field goal of the season in the first OT title game in nine years, sending Manning and the Giants to the Super Bowl. AP


I'm going into the newspaper business. I'll be like Charles Foster Kane without the sled.

Beat

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If Randy Quaid is my Elvis, Takeshi Kitano is my Jerry Lee Lewis.

Happy Birthday, Takeshi.

The Guy Who Hates Puns: Part II

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Where Have I Been?

The Key to Happiness

"Morgolth and Dave": Episode 2.4

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Hump Day

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Another terrible, hastily drawn cartoon from, "Ahhhh, Phooey!"

Spanish Test

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The Guy Who Hates Puns

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Do You Remember....

BK Ratch Tech sneakers?

This commercial ushered in a new standard in American sneaker fashion, a standard that no sneaker ever before or ever since has been able to match.

The imagery is staggeringly symbolic of the change that was taking place. The old woman symbolizes the average American before the discovery of Ratch Tech Technology. The children sing the song of change, ratching their Ratch Techs, calling out to the world for their voices to be heard! The old woman's annoyance is symbolic of the greater majority of sneaker producers, who fear that their ingrained hegemony and lace-based stranglehold on consumers is slipping away in the face of these few, these proud, these loud Ratch Tech wearers.

Long live Ratch Tech!

(Note: I try not to wax philosophically about the near-past, but I always found BK shoes particularly interesting. There is something to be said about a pair of shoes that aims to end human beings' ability to tie knots, once and for all. But think about how much more efficient we would be if we didn't have to tie our shoes every morning. I save four minutes a day not tying my shoes, combing my hair, or wiping my ass after a long bout with last night's dinner.)

Hmmmmm....

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Nah.

"Morgolth and Dave": Episode 2.3

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Do you read comics that play on the same joke every week?

Good! Because those are the only kind I write.

A Typical Week

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That's right, folks, a new "Morgolth and Dave" every (but not every) Thursday, right here at "Ahhhh, Phooey!"

Now 30 % More Free!

Mr. Bill in: "Gored of the Flies"

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Or, Mr. Bill's "Holiday in Cambodia"

The King

Randy Quaid is my Elvis.

The Fluke

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Burnt P-Corn

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Eliot

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A promotional ad for my new children's book, Eliot.

Forgotten Americans: Alpheus Felch

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This has been the worst cartoon ever.

I've been busy.

Read more about Felch here.

Read more about felching someplace else.

Happy New Year!

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Happy 2008!

Enjoy your hangover!