The Morgolth and Dave New Year's Special

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My New Year's resolution? I'm going to stop making Morgolth and Dave "specials".

Hip-hip-hooray!

The Man with No Comedic Timing

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Why I Don't Like Religion

Season's greeting, loyal readers. Now that the holidays (more like holidaze! Am I right?! No? Fair enough) are over I figured I would start off the week with some blasphemy.

I know religion is a pretty volatile subject so any hate mail can be sent to this website.

What is it about God that makes people so crazy about him. I like Doritos. No! I LOVE Doritos. But would I strap a bomb to myself for a bag of Doritos?! I don't think so! At least, I don't think I would. Are they cool ranch?

Enjoy the comic, and, while you're at it, check out this wikiHow entry on how to write a joke:

http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Good-Joke

My favorite is #4.

The Morgolth and Dave Christmas Special

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Whether you like Christmas or dislike Christmas or celebrate some other ritualistic farce, I think we can all agree on one thing: This comic is unfunny.

Merry Xmas, folks.

Healthy Fruits

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I don't mean this to be homophobic. I mean it to be xenophobic. Because I think Richard Simmons might be Mexican or something. French, maybe.

The Philadelphia Turkey: Christmas Edition

Click here to visit The Philadelphia Turkey, the only Philadelphia-centric news satire site that offers "News Youse Can Use."

This week, da Turkey is serving up a heaping portion of holiday infused hilarity.

And don't forget to check out the always awesome comics page.

Beer Puns

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Clogger's Philly Cheese Steak Cheese Burger

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Yeah...it's kind of a real thing.

Every Body Poops

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Like R.E.M. says, "Everybody poooooooops...soooometiiimes."

Anyways, I'd like to wish a speedy recovery to my own Pop, my dad! Take care-a ya new knees!

Top Google Searches of 2008

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Click here to read the article that "inspired" the comic. Really, though, inspired is the last word I would ever use to refer to this comic.

The Ultimate Sign of Disrespect

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LINK: The Feeko Brothers at CvA!

Head on over to Comic vs. Audience to read The Feeko Brothers' nominee for the Greatest Local Commercial in Philadelphia.

Two words:

SAL'S BACK!

It's Tuesday, and you know what that means...

It's Philly Turkey time, it's Philly Turkey time, it's Howdy Doody time, it's...wait...

Okay, let me start over. The Philly Turkey updates every Tuesday with "News Youse Can Use!"

And, as always, be sure to check out their awesome comics section!

BREAKING NEWS: Shoe Attack in Iraq!

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Down...and to the left. Down...and to the left. Down...and to the left.

Bush is a very derisive politician in America, but I think we can all agree on one thing. That guy can dodge a shoe.

Click here to read how they are covering this story in the U.K.

Click here to read how they are covering this story in the American Mainstream Media.

Don't Forget! Tonight...

Age Olde Question

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The War on Christmas!

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Join me, friends! Together, we can use our progressive liberal agenda to censor anything pertaining to Christmas! Why would we do such a thing, you ask?! Do we hate Christmas?! You're not going to make me acknowledge other faiths, are you?!

Yes.

So, the next time someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, give them a boot to the neck and say, "It's Happy Holidays, motherfucker."

"Steal This Show" This Friday!

Corey Cohen of The Sixth Borough has a bi-monthly show dedicated to pleasing you. Yes, you! Come on down this Friday for some hot, comedic action!

FEATURING:

The Sixth Borough

Dave Walk

Gregg Gethard

Videos from The Feeko Brothers

Pat Kelly's Fantabulous Quiz Show

&

The Non-denominational Holiday Fun Brigade

Here are "the deets":

Friday, December 12th, 2008 - 8pm

@ Connie's Ric Rac

1132 S. 9th Street (Btwn. Washington and Ellsworth)

BYOB, $10

Another Year...Another Heisman...

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Click here for the original Heisman comic I ripped of in this new one.

Two years, two comics, and two Heisman trophies I'll never win.

Here is a list of other childhood dreams of mine that will never come to fruition: hitting a home run in a major league park, becoming an astronaut, being anything other than a cartoonist, being a spy/secret agent, to be able to do even just one pull-up, tying my shoes the right way (not bunny-ears), and, finally, being a respectable and respected human being.

Banned in Bars

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Philadelphia Turkey Updated!

Good news, everyone! The Philadelphia Turkey updates every Tuesday with "News Youse Can Use!"

Be sure to check out the comics section because this week marks the Philly Turkey debut of Philadelphia resident Box Brown's "Bellen".

OxyMORONS

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Aristoddler Returns!

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Muscle Rub

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Gender Roles

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Animal Rights

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Philly Turkey Updated!

CLICK HERE to read the latest edition of the hilarious Philadelphia Turkey.

Every Tuesday, The Philadelphia Turkey updates with "News Youse Can Use!"

Be sure to check out their awesome comics section, here.

Brown Friday

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MORE LIKE BROWN FRIDAY!

Happy Thanksgiving from "Ahhhh, Phooey!"

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Here's an "Ahhhh, Phooey" Thanksgiving Tip: Wear a diaper during your meal so you don't have to leave the table to void.

"The Morgolth and Dave Thanksgiving Special"

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Mmmmm: Philly Turkey Update!

Mmmm-Mmm! Just in time for Thanksgiving, The Philadelphia Turkey is serving up a freshly cooked batch of "News Youse Can Use!"

Enjoy!

Fancy Dinner

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"Ahhhh, Phooey": ZAGAT RATED!

Twin Peaks

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Not surprisingly, the erotic Twin Peaks is a lot more enjoyable that the actual Twin Peaks.

Abortion Limits

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A comic about abortion limits?! With a title like that, you know to brace yourself for laughter!

"Ahhhh, Phooey": Taking on the tough issues one off-color and tasteless joke at a time.

Don't Give A Shit!

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If you really didn't need my help, if you really didn't give a shit, then why are you reading this?

FUZZ

Part 1 of 2

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=601679123133

Part 2 of 2

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=601662291863

FUZZ
Runtime: 20:53

FUZZ concerns a musically inclined janitor, his impressionable nephew, and their hijinks on the road to self-discovery.

The film was shot on Super 16mm film in the Winter of 2006. This was my senior thesis film for Temple University. A hearty and sincere thanks to everyone who helped me get this thing "in the can" as they say. Who's "they"? Um...Hollywood? I don't know.

Writer/Director Christian Alsis
Cinematographer/Editor Billy Bob Thompson
Producer James Ventin

Starring:
Matt Berger as Fuzz
Nate Logue as Bob Jr.
Steve Gleich as Bob Sr.
Amanda Grove as Mary
and
Mary Sharples as Caroline

Main Line Dad

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Philadelphia Turkey Update!

G'day, all! Hey, did you know that The Philadelphia Turkey updates every Tuesday? You did, huh? Well, thanks for being a dedicated reader, dedicated reader, but I'll bet you didn't know that every they update with "News Youse Can Use"? Oh, you know that as well, is that right? Well, aren't you Mr. or Mrs. Smarty Pants. What do you mean you like The Turkey better than you like this site?! Oh, wait...so do I. Enjoy!

Ass and A Hole

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The Pessimistic Optimist

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Don't forget to come out to The Irish Times (2nd & Bainbridge) from 6-8 tonight to celebrate the one year anniversary of The Philadelphia Turkey! $2 domestic drafts! Half-priced appetizers!

RIP FJM

Fire Joe Morgan is no more.

Goodnight, sweet prince...

The Optimistic Pessimist

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Philly Turkey Update and REMINDER!

The Philadelphia Turkey celebrates its one year anniversary this week!

Hip-Hip-Hooray!

Wanna celebrate in salubrious fashion?! Here's how!

FROM THE DESK OF THE TURKEY:
Friday, 11/14, from 6-8 pm: The Turkey celebrates its one-year anniversary with happy hour @ The Irish Times (2nd & Bainbridge). Come celebrate one inane year with the dubious minds behind The Turkey-- and get schnozzled on $2 domestic drafts while enjoying half-priced appetizers. Hope to see you there!

Bee Bee

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The age old question...answered.

This Comic is Funny [sic]

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The title of this comic is meant to be ironic. Not in a million years would I find this comic to be funny. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that anyone who thinks this comic is funny is a sic, sic individual.

Number 2

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Designer Wallet

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OBAMA WINS IN LANDSLIDE!

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And the world breathes a sigh of relief/celebrates.

No, seriously.

Cashing In!!!

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Celebrate Barack Obama's historic victory with a limited edition can! Makes a great stocking stuffer!

"Ahhhh, Phooey": Your one-stop-shop for hard-hitting political satire!

Do yourself a favor and head on over to You Deserve a Puppy for their special fun-filled Obama-themed post!

AHHHH, PHUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

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Okay, okay, okay, okay, breathe, breathe, breathe, hoo-hoo-heee, hoo-hoo-heee, okay, okay, okay...okay...okay, I'm alright.

Congratulations to Barack Obama and the Democratic Party. All it took for people to wake the fuck up was an unjust and bloody war, sky-rocketing unemployment, continued increase in violent crimes, and a global economic crisis. We have given you our trust and our hope for a brighter future. We have left you with all the problems of the Bush administration and what is arguably a more danderous and terror-filled world. We have elected you as the 44th President of the United States. Now all you have to do is fix everything. If anyone can inspire the country and the rest of the world, it is you, Mr. Obama.

And now back to our regularly scheduled cynicism...

Remember to Cast Your "Vote"

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Despite my cynicism, I implore everyone to vote.

Philly Turkey Update!

Hello voting public! Do yourself a favor and check out the newest update from over at the Philadelphia Turkey, who provide you every Tuesday with "News Youse Can Use!"