Freak Out.

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Motivation

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Have a great weekend, and go see THE LOVE GURU in theaters June 20th!

EXTRA! EXTRA! GURU SCANDAL!

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SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!

Dook! Dook! Dook!

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With much respect to Tony Millionaire.

Here's a Good One

ENJOY!

Don't Forget...

...to visit Guru Pitka and all his pals at http://www.lovegurumovie.com/

Don't forget to get your parents' permission before going on the site!

(EDITOR'S NOTE: I don't mean to talk down to some of our older readers, but why would they be going to The Love Guru fan site? Does a rational human being have any justification for even being the least bit interested in this movie other than the fact that they laughed at the lead actor ten years ago? Trust me, if the only reason you're going to the site is to see pictures of Verne Troyer in what might be his best performace to date, skip it. The Troyer pics on the site are few and far between.)

GA-GA OVER GURU

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A $150 million opening weekend?!? We can all breathe a sigh of relief people. THE LOVE GURU 2 is all but a guarantee at this point.*

*- Do not publish in the event that THE LOVE GURU does not open to $150 million.

GURU-REAT NEWS!

Some great news, readers! Yesterday, I installed THE LOVE GURU BOBBLEHEAD WIDGET (seen to the right of the page), not because I had any idea I would win the opportunity of a lifetime, but because I am truly grateful to the producers of THE LOVE GURU, as well as Mike Myers and the truly wonderful cast for making a movie that truly shall become a Hollywood classic.

That said, I ended up winning the opportunity of a lifetime! Of the billions of people who installed THE LOVE GURU BOBBLEHEAD WIDGET, "Ahhhh, Phooey!" has selected as the winner of THE LOVE GURU FREE ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN CONTEST EXTRAVAGANZA!

In laypeople's terms, the staff here at "Ahhhh, Phooey!" gets to market a movie we had nothing to do with free of charge. Most of the staff here was pretty upset until I reminded them how much we owed these trillionaire Hollywood producers for helping to make such a landmark picture as THE LOVE GURU which we all know will go down in history as one of the smartest, funniest, most inventive and least racist films to ever hit the silver screen.

Philly Turkey Update!

The Philadelphia Turkey updates every Tuesday with "News Youse Can Use."

Check out this week's updates, and don't forget to visit the comics section to bona-fide goodness of fraprundicular proportions!

Bill DeBerg

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Who is Bill DeBerg?

R.I.P.

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He will be missed.

(GULP)

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In life, you can either take the high road or the low road. At "Ahhhh, Phooey", we prefer to dig another road underneath the low road and take that.

Apparently, some readers thought my commentary after yesterday's post had outed me as a religious man. Hopefully, this will clear up any confusion.

What?! Huh?! AHHHH! (Head Explodes)

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"Ahhhh, Phooey" offers a look at what could have been had the almighty and gracious God created anthropomorphic pills instead of humans.

Fear not, dear reader(s?), for the good Lord DID create man in his image and likeness, and we humans, not the pills, will sit at His right hand for all eternity.

Remember, its Adam and Eve, not Adam and Aleve.

Chum Gets Cranked

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Despite its salacious title, this comic is SFW.

Actually...I'm not so sure it is.

The Bitter Barista

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WHOA!

HOLY SHIT DID YOU GUYS HEAR?!?

THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY UPDATES EVERY TUESDAY, EVERY WEEK!

THIS WEEK FEATURES HILARIOUS ARTICLES AS WELL AS A CHANCE TO DOWNLOAD AND/OR PRINT OUT YOUR VERY OWN RYAN HOWARD STRIKEOUT SCENE!

OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDD!

Shear Jealousy

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--CKING HUGGINS!

Photoshop Phun!

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"Ahhhh, Fooey" has entered fase two, and so begins: the Fotoshop era.

Jumping the shark in 3...2...1...

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

The Zombie Who Hates Puns is no more.

In his stead, "Ahhhh, Phooey" proudly presents...


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Breaking News!

The Philadelphia Turkey updates every Tuesday.

Okay, so it's not breaking news, but The Turkey (which is what the cool kids call it) is getting better and better with each passing week.

Check it out, holmes.

Dr. Scholl's Had a Foot Fetish

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Say It Loud...

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...I'm Fat and I'm Proud!

Join the revolution! Fly in the face of health nuts, and be proud of your shape! The next time someone tells you to eat healthy organic food tell them you have something organic for them to eat and point to your balls or ass or both. For far too long we have been told to be ashamed of our bodies. It's time to stand up and fight!

Okay, you don't have to stand up, but do try to fight.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: A typo in the first panel has been fixed, changing the incorrect "weight" to the correct "weigh." My fingers are too fat for this keyboard. My special dialing wand is in transit.]

Tough Crowd

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Sheer minutes after these events transpired, Bean put down his biography of the Marx Brothers in favor of some lighter reading, An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith.

Do Yourself a Favor, Baseball Fans...

...and start reading Fire Joe Morgan.

Actually, first, do yourself a favor and read Michael Lewis' awesome book Moneyball.

Then, do yourself a favor and start reading Fire Joe Morgan.

Their subtitle says it all: "Where Bad Sports Journalism Comes to Die"

Fire Joe Morgan flies in the face of everything that old baseball men hold dear: logic.

To old baseball men, fire-in-the-belly is much more important than a player's ability to draw a walk. To them, it's all about a player's moxie, his grittiness, his hustle. To them, baseball is a game for insiders, retired players with 25 career at-bats, grizzled scouts looking for the ubermensch in a sea of soft bodies, and, worst of all, undercritical sportswriters that pander to the traditions of the sport and who cry foul whenever anyone wants to use geeky statistics to explain a game so mathematically definable.

Fire Joe Morgan is a site for sabermetric junkies who enjoy a hearty laugh. Don't know what sabermetrics is? Never heard of Bill James? Well, Moneyball is a six-course meal of information, and FJM is seconds. Sabermetrics put simply is why the Oakland Athletics are able to stay competitive despite the fact that their entire payroll is about as much as three Yankees make in a year.

Regular writers include Junior (Alan Yang), dak (Dave King), and Ken Tremendous (Michael Schur) who is an employee of Fremulon Insurance in Partridge, Kansas.

Crow's Feet

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Another winner. Way to go, me.

Foot Fetish

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Seeing an "Ahhhh, Phooey" character from the waist down is weird. Its like seeing the Muppets ride bicycles.

Except, instead of intricately designed puppetry, all I have to offer is terrible MS Paint garbage.

Also, instead of bringing happiness and joy to millions of children around the globe, all I'm doing is subjecting a small handful of my family and friends to a cartoon so morally ambiguous and emotionally disturbing that it will send them running for a hot shower in search of unquestionable answers and deep spiritual cleansing.

The Philadelphia Turkey!

I don't know if you've heard, but The Philadelphia Turkey is Philadelphia's own news satire website.

Check out all the funsanity at: www.phillyturkey.com

East Coast Literals

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That's right! Ahhhh, Phooey's own Professor Ernest J. Puffinballs has been deemed as "America's Most Literal Professor" according to David Horowitz's group, Students for Figurative Freedom.

Stop...Comic Time

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Countdown to Referential Irrelevance:

T-minus 15 minutes and counting.