BREAKING NEWS: THE PHILLIES PROMOTION DEPARTMENT IS (HILARIOUSLY) RACIST!

So, as an avid Phillies phan (so much so that I even spell it with a "ph") and hard-working member of the consumerati, I was recently looking to find tickets for the Phillies most recent homestand.

Sure, I could sit at home and debate who Raul Ibanez looks like more, Imohtep from The Mummy or Billy Zane, but there is nothing like seeing a Phillies game live.

So, I went to their website and checked out their schedule and that's when I saw it...



The Phillies seem to be a part of a league-wide shill-machine for Disney's newest animated flop, G-FORCE. (See: David Wright's awkward G-Force commercial here)

But, even more insidiously, the Phillies have also scheduled Italian Heritage night on July 24th.

THAT'S RIGHT! CHECK IT OUT!



Now, I'm not Italian, but that's pretty racist. That's like scheduling Polish Heritage Night on a day when there's no game. (To the Polish American Anti-Defamation League, I'm sorry.) From what I can understand, a large chunk of Phillies fans (notice I didn't put a "ph") are of Italian descent.

I will still be attending Phillies games (what else do I have going for me), but that's because they didn't trivialize my heritage by scheduling it on the same day as a shitty movie promotion about talking guinea pig spies.

EXTRA BONUS FUN TIME GAME: