Patently Terrible Comic

(Click on picture to enlarge)

If this comic were a flower, it would be a poopsettia.

"The Guy Who Hates Puns" is Back...and As Mediocre As Ever!

(Click on picture to enlarge)

What Do YOU Think? No, Not You. YOU!

(Click on picture to enlarge)

NSFW?

Philly Turkey Update!

Be sure to check out this week's Philadelphia Turkey!

Also, be sure to download your official "Let's Go Eagles" Super Bowl Window Poster!

And, as always, check out the incredible comics page!

Former NSA Analyst Blows Whistle;Melvin Blows Steam

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Click below to watch Mr. Tice's interview with Keith Olbermann, liberal commentator who is famous for having a mother who was hit in the face with an errant Chuck Knoblauch throw at a Yankees game in 2000.



...and...

E-Z Cheez-E

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Have a weekend!

Crash Diet

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Phew! That's a relief. I needed to stop writing comics that had to do with popular culture. Now, I can focus on what I really do "well": terrible, terrible puns.

Cultural Reference Comic #3

(Click on picture to enlarge)

I know what you're thinking, "Three pop culture related comics in a row?!? What have you LOST your mind?!"

To which I reply, "Heh. LOST your mind. I get it."

Anyways, the LOST premiere event (which means they get to show you clips from past seasons in between commercials for an hour) starts at 8 p.m. with a recap of the events leading up to the season premiere at 9 P.M. EST.

Visit ABC's Lost page for more details. Or read the paragraph above. Lazy muthafucka...

24 Gets Cancelled...

...hopefully.


(Click on picture to enlarge)

Yeah, I know what you're saying. "Canceling 24 is nowhere near, nor should be anywhere near, the top of Obama's to-do list." Yeah? Well, you know what? Eat it! Okay?! EAT IT! Okay?! Okay!? JUST EAT IT!

Okay.

Yeah, I know he has to deal with the economy, but do you know how boring it is to write economy jokes? We do.


Good luck to Obama, and happy Inaguration everyone!

Philly Turkey Update!

Check out the latest edition of the Philadelphia Turkey on web-stands now!

Inside you'll find, the Disgruntled Sportsman, Dick Gorenstein, reflects of Sunday's Eagles loss to the Cardinals. Wait...the Arizona Cardinals?! From Arizona?! Jesus fucking Christ...

And be sure to check out the ever-popular comics page!

Only at www.PhillyTurkey.com!

Bush's Final Day in Office

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Think about it. A handful of years ago, this comic would be derided as anti-American due to Bush's swelling popularity. That was, of course, before his list of failures swelled and his popularity quelled. Now, we see Bush's true form! And, boy, is it repulsive.

Writing these things about a "President" is not un-American. In fact, it is as American as it can get. This country was founded on the dissent of King George, and today we carry on their principles by mocking our clown prince. So to those who say I should be afraid to voice my opinion I say to you, "Give me one reason I shouldn't." To which those people reply, "Guantanamo Bay." To which I reply, "Is there a delete button in Blogger?"

Carrot Juice

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Click here to read about carotenoderma.

Con te Partirò

As you may or may not know, "President" George W. Bush will be giving his farewell address to the nation tonight in primetime at 8 P.M. eastern time. Let me type that again… "President" George W. Bush will be giving his farewell address to the nation tonight at 8 P.M. eastern time. That's interesting. There's something about typing that sentence that gives me extreme satisfaction bordering on the orgasmic. Let's go through it a little slowly this time…

"President" George W. Bush…will be giving…his farewell sp-- OOOOOOOOOOHHHHAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH-OOOOHHHH! OOOOOOOOAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGG HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-ooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOooooooooooo AAAAAHHHH!

(Panting) Excuse me…sorry…excuse me a minute.

(Opens package of cigarettes, removes one and lights it)

Mmmm. That's good. That's real good.

Insider Trading

(Click on picture to enlarge)

One of the oldest jokes in the book. What book you ask? The Encyclopedia of Underwhelming and Overused Jokes Your Grandfather Once Told You That He Heard From His Grandfather, of course.

The Feeko Brothers on "Why Am I Not Famous?!?" with Kent Haines

The Feeko Brothers present...

Why Am I Not Famous is a monthly talk show hosted by comedian Kent Haines in conjunction with the Philly Improv Theater. It's super good. Watch for show times on Comic Vs. Audience.

Breaking News! Well, Broken News...

I saw this on television Friday, and I wanted to have it up on the site yesterday. Unfortunately, I recorded it on a VHS, and I had a lot of trouble converting it to an MS Paint file. Of course I'm lying to you, but I feel that what you are about to read is closer to the truth than you realize:


(Click on picture to enlarge)

The Philly Turkey is Back!

AT LONG LAST!

The Philadelphia Turkey returns from self-imposed exile (read as: holiday), and this week's edition is downright hilarious.

Click here to go directly to The Philadelphia Turkey.

Connected

(Click on picture to enlarge)

The Number 2 Pencil

(Click on picture to enlarge)

I'd like to thank my parents, my family, and all of my wonderfully supportive friends and loved ones. Without your constant guidance and inspiration, I might never have made it to this day. This being the day that I have perfected the poop-themed webcomic. I love you all, and may the gods bless you. And if you sneezed while reading that last sentence, "Gesundheit." Thank you all so much! I couldn't have done this without you. Wait...I did. Ahhhh, who needs ya!?

The Happy Hive

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Don't blame me, you chose to read it.

Cereal Westerns

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Happy Accident

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Rip Van Winkle

(Click on picture to enlarge)

Click here to read Washington Irving's classic short story, "Rip Van Winkle".